Family News
Collaborative LawTuesday, 24th March 2009
FINDING ANOTHER WAY
Families will often spend years working together to build a future for their family and their children. Divorce and separation is an event which can occur within any family and when it does it can bring with it trauma and change. We pledge however to work with you to ensure that it does not destroy everything you have worked so hard to achieve.
Your relationship with your children, the assets you have built, ties with wider family members, are all part of what makes your family unique. When separation and divorce leads to conflict and disagreement not only is it all too often that the children will suffer but if you are unable to agree matters then ultimately the decisions will be taken away from you and the court and a judge who does not know you or your family, will be left to make the decisions. Very often such decisions are not what either you or your partner wants. Dont let conflict see you lose control.
This Autumn Christina McGhee, an internationally acclaimed divorce coach and parent educator, who has devoted her career to helping children and families successfully manage the challenges of divorce, will be appearing on GMTV for a three part series on how to help children successfully manage divorce.
On her website www.divorceandchildren.com, Christina McGhee writes "No matter what you may think about divorce. No matter what you may feel about divorce. No matter what your situation or experience, life will change for you and your children. How it changes, is up to you.
One of parent's greatest concerns is how divorce will affect their children. Divorce does not doom children to years of emotional problems or lifelong dysfunction. Exposure to constant parental conflict and unhealthy family situations, however, can significantly impact children's lives in a negative way.
What is important is for parents to:-
love their children as much as possible through words and actions;
tell them repeatedly that divorce is not their fault;
reassure children that they will be safe;
let children know it is okay to love both Mum and Dad, just as they did before they broke up;
support the children's relationship with both parents;
listen to their children, honour their feelings without judging, fixing or trying to change how they feel;
let children know it is okay to express their feelings;
help children feel they have a home with both parents, regardless of the amount of time spent with each parent;
provide children with consistency and discipline, as well as love, as children still need parents to provide structure and limits, especially during difficult times
And in those difficult times, it is important that parents avoid:-
badmouthing, judging or criticising the child(ren)'s other parent,
exposing children to divorce details; adult issues are not their concern
using children as messengers or spies,
retaliating when the other parent says or does damaging things,
making children responsible for making adult decisions,
allowing children to become their best friend or confidant,
placing blame when children ask why the divorce happened.
Over the many years I have worked with countless separating and divorcing clients who are kind, caring and intelligent individuals, who love their children and want what is best for them and who also want to reach fair arrangements and financial settlements amicably.
Collaborative law is a process that is now available and that can encourage cost effective, speedy and lasting settlements.
Paul Robinson Solicitors offer those who are separating or divorcing constructive ways of settling their arrangements; whether in supporting the mediation process, self styled negotiation, conventional solicitor negotiations or through a collaborative law approach. We do not move to court procedures until all other avenues have been exhausted, (unless emergency action is required). This approach helps the vast majority of our clients avoid the stress and destruction of contested final proceedings. This approach also encourages non-interest based negotiations, putting the interests of children first, and keeping decision-making in your hands.
For more detailed information on Children and Divorce contact Sybilla Agasee on 01702 338 338 or email sagasee@paulrobinson.co.uk for a copy of the booklet "Separation and Divorce: Helping parents to help children" produced by Christina McGhee on behalf of Resolution or for more information please contact us.
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Families will often spend years working together to build a future for their family and their children. Divorce and separation is an event which can occur within any family and when it does it can bring with it trauma and change. We pledge however to work with you to ensure that it does not destroy everything you have worked so hard to achieve.
Your relationship with your children, the assets you have built, ties with wider family members, are all part of what makes your family unique. When separation and divorce leads to conflict and disagreement not only is it all too often that the children will suffer but if you are unable to agree matters then ultimately the decisions will be taken away from you and the court and a judge who does not know you or your family, will be left to make the decisions. Very often such decisions are not what either you or your partner wants. Dont let conflict see you lose control.
This Autumn Christina McGhee, an internationally acclaimed divorce coach and parent educator, who has devoted her career to helping children and families successfully manage the challenges of divorce, will be appearing on GMTV for a three part series on how to help children successfully manage divorce.
On her website www.divorceandchildren.com, Christina McGhee writes "No matter what you may think about divorce. No matter what you may feel about divorce. No matter what your situation or experience, life will change for you and your children. How it changes, is up to you.
One of parent's greatest concerns is how divorce will affect their children. Divorce does not doom children to years of emotional problems or lifelong dysfunction. Exposure to constant parental conflict and unhealthy family situations, however, can significantly impact children's lives in a negative way.
What is important is for parents to:-
love their children as much as possible through words and actions;
tell them repeatedly that divorce is not their fault;
reassure children that they will be safe;
let children know it is okay to love both Mum and Dad, just as they did before they broke up;
support the children's relationship with both parents;
listen to their children, honour their feelings without judging, fixing or trying to change how they feel;
let children know it is okay to express their feelings;
help children feel they have a home with both parents, regardless of the amount of time spent with each parent;
provide children with consistency and discipline, as well as love, as children still need parents to provide structure and limits, especially during difficult times
And in those difficult times, it is important that parents avoid:-
badmouthing, judging or criticising the child(ren)'s other parent,
exposing children to divorce details; adult issues are not their concern
using children as messengers or spies,
retaliating when the other parent says or does damaging things,
making children responsible for making adult decisions,
allowing children to become their best friend or confidant,
placing blame when children ask why the divorce happened.
Over the many years I have worked with countless separating and divorcing clients who are kind, caring and intelligent individuals, who love their children and want what is best for them and who also want to reach fair arrangements and financial settlements amicably.
Collaborative law is a process that is now available and that can encourage cost effective, speedy and lasting settlements.
Paul Robinson Solicitors offer those who are separating or divorcing constructive ways of settling their arrangements; whether in supporting the mediation process, self styled negotiation, conventional solicitor negotiations or through a collaborative law approach. We do not move to court procedures until all other avenues have been exhausted, (unless emergency action is required). This approach helps the vast majority of our clients avoid the stress and destruction of contested final proceedings. This approach also encourages non-interest based negotiations, putting the interests of children first, and keeping decision-making in your hands.
For more detailed information on Children and Divorce contact Sybilla Agasee on 01702 338 338 or email sagasee@paulrobinson.co.uk for a copy of the booklet "Separation and Divorce: Helping parents to help children" produced by Christina McGhee on behalf of Resolution or for more information please contact us.
